


Centerfold

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Holidays [8]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Anal Play, Cardistry, F/M, Gifts, Joker and Harley in a healthy romantic relationship, Lingerie, Oral Sex, Photo Shoots, Photography, Scary Clowns, Sex, Valentine's Day, centerfold, murder clowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 11:40:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13523508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker decides that he wants to give Harley something special for Valentine's Day.





	Centerfold

The rain had just started to fall that evening when Joey left from his hotel room for the photography session in Gotham. He had received the inquiry through his website, an offer of a lot of money to come to Gotham from Metropolis, and shoot pictures for a pin-up calender that was the be a Valentine gift for a significant other. The author of the email had asked if two-and-a-half weeks before Valentine's Day was enough time for photos to be taken and a calender to be put together, and had offered a LOT of money to make the calender happen. It was enough money that Joey had responded yes immediately. He had done private sessions like this in the past and they were usually a lot of fun, not just because he was able to see lovely women doing traditional cheesecake poses in front of his camera (and granted, that was a big plus), Joey liked all women, no matter the size and he liked seeing all women semi-nude, in lingerie or naked. These sorts of pictures were fun for him, but he also liked doing these sorts of sessions because it gave him a chance to practice his craft of photography.

He loved photographing beauty. The only thing that had given him pause about this particular deal was the secrecy on the end of the client. They had only given him their last name, Kerr, an address and instructions that he wasn't to tell anyone what he was doing. (Joey simply figured it was because this woman was well known in Gotham and didn't want anyone to know what she was doing...a nude calender might get her husband/boyfriend/secret lover in trouble) He was to meet a bald man named Bob who would take him to the location. All a little weird, but really nothing too unusual. He had received over the years of doing these independent projects some interesting, and some bizarre, requests. 

The address had ended up being in an old boarded up Chinese restaurant called Uncle Egg Shen's Chinese Food and Entertainment, emblazoned in a now dead neon sign standing over the top of the building. Joey parked across the street, turned off the vehicle, and stared at the boarded up restaurant. 

As Joey looked up, he figured more must have been spent on that sign than on the building itself. 

At first Joey thought that he might have been pranked. He sat in the car looking at the old boarded up restaurant, thinking he would drive away after sitting there for five minutes, when the sign above the restaurant lit up; the red, blue and green lights reflected off the damp pavement. A moment later the door (which had looked to be boarded up) opened and a large, bald man wearing a flower wreath on his head, dressed in a bright blue t-shirt, black sweat pants, blue sneakers and a baby blue colored tutu that seemed to have sparkles all over it that caught the light from the neon sign, and made the big man twinkle as he walked. Joey watched him with a quizzical expression as the big man opened up an umbrella, not just a regular, plain colored umbrella. No, this one was white with bright red balloons meandering across its surface. 

The man stood there for a moment letting the rain, which was coming down in a drizzle at the moment, fall down on him. He looked around, then seemed to spy Joey and his car parked across the street. The big man looked both ways and hurried, trotting across the street right for Joey. Joey watched the man move across the street toward his car. As the tutu wearing fellow came closer, Joey hit the locks. The bald man halted next to the car and just stared down at Joey from under the umbrella and the neon lights. Just when the silence was becoming creepy (creepier than it already was, Joey thought), the bald man reached out and knocked against the driver's window. Joey thought seriously about starting the engine and taking off...but he was being offered a lot of money...and he had been told to expect a bald guy. So maybe these pictures were going to be themed...that's why the restaurant and the tutu guy? 

Joey swallowed, took a breath, and opened the door. The big guy stepped backwards out of the way, then once Joey was standing outside in the rain, the big man motioned him to follow. Joey looked back at his car. 

“Uh...I have some equipment I need to get out of the trunk.” 

The bald man walked over to the trunk and waited. Joey shrugged and walked over unlocking the trunk. Together, the two men carried in all of Joey's equipment. As they walked into the restaurant, lights inside came on. The inside to the restaurant was in surprisingly good shape. From the condition of the outside, Joey would have guessed that the interior was barely hanging on, but it was actually quite nice. The walls were painted a deep red, faded, but still lovely with a high ceiling that the photographer realized was very deceptive. Ffrom the outside you couldn't tell that there was a ceiling like a church, gold pillars throughout the large open space along with a three tier crystal chandelier that dominated the middle of the ceiling. Along one of the back walls there were gold dragons painted across the red that looked to be chasing each other through wispy gold clouds. The floor was also painted red and gold with intricate Chinese geometric patterns. 

The bald man took him to the center of the restaurant that was cleaned of any debris. Sitting there was a box with a white sheet thrown over it, perfect for posing. He set the equipment he had been carrying for Joey down carefully and then pointed. 

Joey frowned turning to look at the man. “So I should set up here?” 

The bald man nodded then turned and walked away, heading through a pair of double doors that Joey assumed led to the kitchen. He frowned, then shrugged. Maybe the lady in question was a mistress and really didn't want to be caught doing a nude or semi-nude photo shoot? Or maybe she liked Chinese restaurants; either way Joey went about setting up his equipment. 

It only took him a little while to set up, having done this sort of picture shoot more times than he could count, when he heard the sound of the swinging doors from the kitchen followed by someone calling out behind him. 

“All right Mr. DeMille! I'm ready for my close-up!” 

Joey turned around and went very still, like a deer in headlights or looking down the barrel of a gun as all the color drained from his face. Standing there in the doorway, wearing nothing but a purple thong and a sheer purple feather-trimmed robe, was the Joker, Gotham's Crown Prince of Crime. 

Joker grinned and walked across the floor just like Gloria Swanson from Sunset Boulevard except for the wide grin on his face. And Gloria Swanson had not murdered who knew how many people. 

Joey swallowed. He didn't move. He wasn't really sure what he should do...run? Scream? Or do the job he was being paid for? 

Joker walked up to Joey, all smiles. “Hello my darling. You must be Joey Shuman, photographer for the Daily Planet and part-time freelance photographer.” 

Joey nodded. “Ahh...yes...yes I'm Joey.” 

Joker grinned brightly. “Wonderful, wonderful.” He dropped his arm around Joey's shoulder. “Now Joey my friend, I brought you here because Valentine's Day is coming up and I wanted to give my girl something special for the holiday.” 

“Your girl? You have a girlfriend?” Joey couldn't stop himself from asking the question. 

Joker continued to grin, though the humor in his eyes died just a little as he narrowed his gaze at Joey. “I do have a girlfriend Joey my dear, and I want to give her something special for Valentine's Day. And what could be more special than a calender of me!” Joker giggled glancing over to the big bald man who had come back through the kitchen doors, now accompanied by another man, tall, short hair, wearing a suit and looking dangerous...especially after he folded his arms across his chest and Joey saw the gun clearly in his hand. Joker motioned at the two men. “Right Bob? Frost?” 

Frost nodded, all business. “Yes Boss.” 

The man named Bob just smiled broadly and nodded with enthusiasm. 

Joey smiled nervously at Joker. “Ah, so...what did you have in mind?” 

Joker giggled with delight. “Well my dear, we are going to create a pin-up calender for my girl!” 

Joey paled even more. His evening of photographing some nude woman had now turned into photographing a nude Joker. He wondered if he was going to walk out of here alive. As if reading his mind Joker purred. “Now, you behave yourself, do your job—and do it well—you get to go home! Displease me, take a bad photo or make me feel like you are making sexual advances on me...” Here Joker giggled and tittered like a young girl. “Then I kill you. Okay? Got it? Let's do this thing!!” 

Joker threw his hands in the air with a shout that had Joey jumping into the air. 

“I'm off to dress! You boys keep Joey here entertained while I slip into something more comfortable! HAHAHA!!” Joker walked by the two large men into the kitchen. Joey stood there staring after the Joker then looked at the two men. 

The one named Frost smiled. “Just take the pictures, do a good job and keep the Boss happy. Easy.” 

“Oh...oh...okay.” Joey smiled uncertainly, feeling slightly ill. 

A few minutes later Joker came out still in the robe and thong, but this time with a garter belt on and sheer purple hose along with a pair of purple and white men's pointed toe oxford shoes and nothing else. Joker laughed. “Okay! January!!” 

Joey focused solely on taking the pictures to the best of his ability. He took the same number he would for any client, adjusting the lighting as Joker did a series of cheesecake poses, but the January photo ended up being Joker on his knees, arching his back with a sucker in his mouth and grinning. 

Next Joker came out wearing a bright red bow around his hips covering up his assets—just barely—and a big smile...and nothing else. Joey swallowed. This was so weird he thought. Bob lugged out two giant plastic clowns that looked to have been part of a used car lot or something, and set them on either side of Joker while the clown struck a pose. This time Joker had his arms draped across the plastic clowns, his hips cocked seductively with a big grin on his crimson lips. 

Next came the month of March, and Joker strutted out wearing a pair of purple and gold long basketball shorts, under which he had on a pair of black leggings printed with the Batman symbol and a pair of dusty purple combat boots. He wasn't wearing a shirt, only a long white coat with a fake white fur collar and more white fur around the end of the sleeves. He wore a large gold chain around his neck with a huge letter “J” covered in diamonds, along with a shorter, thicker gold chain that rested against his bare chest just above the longer chain. On each of his fingers he had a thick, heavy gold ring, or gold and diamond ring and he had his purple and gold cane with him, topped off with a pair of mirrored sunglasses sitting on the edge of his long nose. His hair was slicked back instead of the mostly unruly curls that up to this point had been struggling to stay combed back. Joey thought that the mad clown looked slicker and maybe slightly more menacing. 

Joker grinned brightly. “What's up my bitches!” 

Joey pressed his lips together on an actual laugh. 

They took several pictures before Joker jumped up all giggles. “Okay, this next one is extra special Joey my dear, because it's Harley's birthday month! So I have an extra special pose in mind for that one!! Frost! Get the bear skin rug!” 

Joey turned, his mouth hanging open, breaking out into a nervous sweat as he whispered to himself. “Bear skin rug?” 

Joker disappeared into the kitchen following Frost while Bob smiled at Joey. A few seconds later Frost came out carrying a large brown rug over his shoulder and a two-liter of grape soda. Joey looked confused as he watched Frost spread out the rug, set down the two-liter, then disappear again, only to return with a champagne glass which he filled with the purple liquid. Once that was done, the three of them waited until the Joker returned wearing the sheer purple feathered robe again. He walked over to the rug, holding the robe closed around his crotch. “Okay my darling Joey, this one is special. April is my pumpkin's birthday month, so we are going to do a replica of the Playgirl Burt Reynolds photo!!” 

With that the Joker whipped off his robe to be standing there naked in all his pale, white glory. 

Joey whimpered and fought to keep a neutral expression on his face. “I'm so dead.” 

Joker giggled and laid down on the rug, duplicating the famous Burt Reynold's pose, one leg bent, adding his own touch to the pose with the hand holding the champagne glass of grape soda held just so between his legs while Joker rested his head against the palm of his other hand, a green lock of hair managing to fall seductively over his forehead. Joker smiled brightly, clearly pleased with himself. Frost stepped over, holding a white plastic ashtray and pulled out a cigarette from his jacket pocket. He crouched down to put the cigarette between Joker's lips, then the tall man pulled out a lighter from inside his suit jacket and lit the cigarette. Joker grinned like a schoolboy speaking around the cigarette he held in his teeth. “Okay, Joey boy! Take the pic!!” 

Joey blinked. It wasn't that the Joker was built badly, the man actually wasn't. He was muscled, but in the thin sort of way, like a runner or professional competitive biker. With as much clinical detachment as he could muster, Joey noticed that the Joker had a great many scars on his pale skin and he was...hairless...in certain places, the only hair being the thick green mop on the man's head and the man was...hung... but Joey was pretty sure he wasn't going to see the Joker's junk and live to tell anyone. Joey nodded and swallowed uncomfortably, taking several pictures. 

Joker jumped up and then downed the grape soda in one swallow. “Damn, I'm shrinking!” he yelled with a giggle, grabbing up his sheer robe and rushing into the back of the restaurant again. Frost came over and quietly removed the rug and soda bottle. 

Next came Joker dressed as a cowboy wearing a thong, ass-less chaps and a cowboy hat in purple, next a bathing suit picture which was Joker in another thong, just that this one was purple with green polkadots. Next came a wedding pose with a black tux jacket, black thong, sock garters, and black dress shoes and a matching top hat and white gloves. He cocked his hip posing with the hat in front of his chest with a coy smile. 

“Okay, this next one is great!” Joker waved his hands in excitement. “On to the next!! We have twelve months to fill up!” Joker giggled excitedly. “Oh Harley is going to love this, don't you think Frost?” 

Frost smiled with a slight chuckle. “Yes Boss, I really think she is going to love this.” 

Joker grinned with happy excitement, completely enjoying himself. “Bob! Get the bike!” Joker gestured wildly with one hand, pointing his finger into the air before he ran off, disappearing between the double doors to the restaurant kitchen. 

Bob left the room with a little dance in his step and waved at Joey. 

Joey stood there, still feeling numb. He glanced over to Frost; the well dressed man smiled at him, his hands folded in front of him, the pistol still plainly visible. Joey muttered under his breath. “Please let me live, please let me live.” 

Bob headed out the front door of the restaurant. A couple of minutes later he returned walking a Harley Davidson motorcycle, a 2013 Softail fatboy Lo in excellent condition by the looks of it. Joey frowned in surprise. He had done a few shoots involving motorcycles in the past and hoped that he would live to perhaps buy a motorcycle like he had often imagined doing. 

Bob pushed the motorcycle over to the center of where Joey had been taking pictures of Joker and positioned the bike right in the middle. Joey, now having seen more of the Joker than he ever thought imaginable, knew exactly where this shot was going... 

That was when Joker bounced out of the back room dressed in a pair of boxer's shorts, purple of course, wearing a pair of biker boots. “Okay baby! Let's go!” 

Joker danced over to the bike singing loudly. “The wonderful thing about Jokers are Jokers are wonderful things! Their tops are made out of rubber! Their bottoms are made out of springs! About the most wonderful thing about Jokers is I'm the only one!” 

Joey blinked. Was that the Tigger song? It was the Tigger song. Joey began to wonder if these three had somehow slipped him something because this whole experience was surreal. 

“All right Joey darling, tell me what you think of this pose?” Joker draped his body over the bike with a wide grin. “Seductive enough? I want Harley to see this picture and throw her clothes off and jump me like a piece of meat!” He giggled with pleasure at the thought of Harley attacking him. 

Joey swallowed glancing back at Frost and Bob. Frost smiled and adjusted his grip on the gun. 

“Oh yes sir, Joker sir, your girl is going to be hot for you.” 

Joker wiggled with glee. “Just what I want!” 

Joker grinned showing off his white teeth, lounging on the bike where he giggled. “Paint me like one of your French girls!” 

Bob, standing by Frost, giggled silently. 

After these pictures were taken, Bob removed the bike and Joker went to change again. 

Within a few minutes Joker returned from the back in a just his purple trenchcoat...and nothing else. He grinned wide standing in the doorway. “I'm ready, strut my stuff!” 

He hurried over to the camera and struck his pose while he chuckled, holding the coat just over his groin. “Okay, ready Joey?” 

With a big grin, Joker posed, arching his back just a little, one hand held the coat in place over his groin, while he threw his other arm out behind him, letting the coat fall away to reveal the side of his naked torso, buttock and leg. “TADA!” He announced. “Get my good side here Joey! Harley likes my ass!” 

Joey squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before he adjusted the camera lens. “Of course Joker sir.” 

For Halloween, Joker came jumping out from the back, which caused the bald man named Bob to jump a inch into the air, dressed in what could only be called a “sexy” Batman outfit. 

Joker, laughing merrily at himself, was wearing a pair of tiny black speedos, emblazoned with the Batman sign on the crotch wearing a replica Batman helmet along with the cape and boots. Joker came running into the room from the back, holding the cape up to the sides so that the cloth fluttered behind him as he ran through the doors from the back only stopping when he was in the center of the photo area where he whipped the cape back, put his long fingers hands on his thin hips and yelled in a deep over-the-top masculine voice. “I AM THE NIGHT! I AM BATMAN!!” 

Frost and Bob both burst out laughing (though Bob was completely silent, the tears running down his cheeks and the way he physically dropped his hands to his knees, bobbing his head, illustrated how funny he found his Boss.) 

Joker grinned twisting back and forth as he continued in the same deep voice. “I am the most annoying vigilante who likes to ruin the Joker's fun all the time! Smiling? What is this thing you call smiling? I do not find that bomb you set off killing all those people funny Joker!” Joker continued to twist back and forth stiffly with his hands on his hips. 

Frost chuckled. “That's funny Boss.” 

Joker grinned grabbing the sides of his cape and flapping them about. “Maybe I should start wearing a cape? It's a little fun! I don't understand why the Bat-boob is still so stiff with a cape on! Capes are fun!” He chuckled as he flapped the sides. “Okay Joey, now to business! We're almost done! Let's take a dramatic shot!” 

Joey nodded, sending out another prayer to the universe that he lived through this, and then concentrated on taking the photos. 

The next outfit caused Joey to sigh with relief. For November, Joker came out dressed—fully—in an expensive suit. Joker wore a dark purple shirt under a midnight plum, paisley, fitted dinner jacket with a white vest, along with a black tie that had a purple print on it, but the material of the tie was so dark that Joey would have had to go right up to the Joker to discern its details. Joker also wore white slacks, purple socks with green stripes and red hearts along with a pair of purple, medallion pointed oxfords and lastly; dark purple gloves to complete the look. His hair was slicked back and up, almost like a pompadour, but with a few curls purposely twisted at his forehead. 

Joker had worn lipstick for each picture, but this time his lips where a deep shade of a red. A red so dark that the color bordered on black, which was startling against his white teeth. Joey had to admit the color of Joker's lips was sexy...made the man's lips look extra kissable. Joey didn't lean that way at all, but he could see the appeal and appreciate the effect. How could an artist not, he wondered as he snapped pictures. 

By now Joey was enjoying himself just a little partly because the Joker was a surprisingly good model, but also a great deal of his ability to relax was related to the fact that he knew his ordeal was almost at an end because they were at December and he had only worked a few hours. But he had to admit, Joker was a good model. The man willingly twisted and turned, taking whatever direction Joey gave him without pulling a gun, acid flower or threatening to carve a smile into his face. 

Joker simply smiled, sticking his tongue out, the tip against his upper teeth as he grinned at the camera for his latest pose. 

When he was finished, Joker rubbed his hands together. “All right my darling, one last outfit!” 

Joker happily trotted into the back with Bob following him. Bob came out a couple of seconds later carrying a six-pack of beer and offered Frost, then Joey one. Joey took the alcohol gratefully. 

He had just popped the top of the can of beer when Joker came out in his last outfit, a Santa suit that consisted of tight red shorts trimmed in fake white fur, a red jacket worn open to show off his bare chest, black “Santa” boots, a Santa hat on the top of his green hair and a fake green “Santa” beard. 

Joker stood in the doorway and laughed. “Merry Christmas Gotham!” 

* 

When Joey was done taking photos of Joker, still dressed in his Santa getup, the Clown Prince came over, his hands on his hips. “So, what's the soonest you can have these pictures printed and in a calender? Valentine's Day is in three weeks! Have to have it for my girl by then.” Joker smiled, but there was a flatness to his eyes that told Joey that he had better have the calender ready in that time or else. 

“Yeah, it shouldn't be a problem Joker sir.” Joey smiled packing up his equipment, wondering if he should move to National City...that had to be far enough away that the Joker could never find him again, when Joker smiled. “Perfect! Frost sweetheart, can you take Joey here to his new home for the next three weeks?” 

“Sure thing Boss,” Frost answered coming over to stand by Joker. Joey stopped in mid-packing and stared at both men. “What?” 

Joker grinned, stepped closer and dropped an arm around Joey's shoulders. This close Joey realize Joker smelled like vanilla, gunpowder and cigarettes. “I have a nice place set aside for you. It has a dark room, acetic acid, a toilet, someone to watch over you...the windows are blocked, there is no access to the outside world, so an artist like you can work! And if you behave yourself, play your cards right...you just might walk out of this situation alive. Wouldn't that be nice?” Joker grinned. “It would, wouldn't it? Though I have to tell you, part of the condition—of your continued living that is Joey my dear, my sweet, my darling—if any of those pictures end up anywhere besides in that calender for Harley,” he paused, closed his eyes as if imagining something pleasant, and said, “I will find you and I will post selfies of you and me...only your head mind you, as we tour all my favorite spots in Gotham.” Joker chuckled and planted a kiss on Joey's cheek, leaving a perfect red lipped mark. “So, I suggest you work hard, get this done, and if I like the results my gift to you will be your boring little life, okay?” 

Joey nodded, his voice betraying his fear. “Yes, yes sir, Mr. Joker sir.” 

“Oh sweetie, it's just Joker.” Joker turned. “Okay, going to go change, my nipples are hard! It's a little chilly in here. Frost my love, take our guest to his new home for the next three weeks!” 

Frost smiled in amusement. “Come on Joey. Let's get you home.” 

* 

(Three weeks passed. Joker stopped by each day to visit with Joey and check on the progress of his calender, sometimes showing up covered in blood from a successful night on the town. Joey made the calender and managed to leave Gotham with his life since Joker was quite pleased with the results. Joey gave up photography and moved to National City, though he would require sleep aids and anxiety meds for the rest of his life.) 

At the Joker's hideout, Harley was singing softly to herself as she finished putting everything together for her and her puddin's Valentine's Day date. They weren't going out on the town because Harley didn't want to end the night on the off chance that they would be in Arkham. They were such tight asses in Arkham and wouldn't let her and Joker share a cell...jerks, she thought to herself. She wanted the whole night with her puddin: no Batman, no Arkham. She wanted her puddin all to herself. Harley giggled merrily, she was dressed in a scarlet red babydoll nightie, with thin shoulder straps that crossed at the back and a deep-plunging neckline. The set was made of soft, stretch tulle and luxurious rebrodé embroidery that was completely see-through, and she had on a pair of killer deep red stilletos, her hair worn loose and her make-up just right wearing the shade of red lipstick her puddin liked the best. She had spent her day working on making the hide-out a Valentine's Day love nest by decorating the hide-out in her traditional way, with an over-abundance of pink and red hearts. 

While she sang softly to herself, “Give me your hand, darling...Do you feel my heart beating... Do you understand...Do you feel the same...Or am I only dreaming?...Is this burning...An eternal flame?” 

Harley set the champagne glasses on the table that she had decorated with a red cloth and a vase of red roses. She set the glasses next to the bucket of ice that held a bottle of expensive champagne, a bottle of Armand de Brignac Brut Gold that she had acquired at the point of a gun with Ivy's help. She had also slipped out on her own one night (again with Ivy's help) and had stolen two sets of playing cards from a playing card exhibit that was in Gotham. Only the best cards for her puddin's gift! 

One set of cards was for him to play poker with during his monthly poker game with some of the other Gotham criminals (if there were enough of them out of prison or Arkham to play that month); it was a set of black on black cards with Gothic designs; the kings, queens and jacks designed to look like skeletons, while the Joker card was a grim reaper. She just knew Joker would love them! They were not just beautiful, but expensive, printed on high quality paper and something else she couldn't remember...the guy at the exhibit had been blathering incoherently until Ivy had kissed him to shut him up. 

The other deck she had stolen was for him to do cardistry with...the amazing tricks he could do with a deck of cards always caused her to become all hot and bothered. Harley sighed thinking about the way her puddin would sit on the edge of the bed, a cigarette in his mouth, naked, doing these amazing tricks with the cards. Just watching the way his long elegant fingers would shuffle, twist and flick the cards made her think of the things that he could do to her with those same fingers. Those cards were printed on antique colored high quality paper with actual gold and silver in the metallic ink that was printed on the cards. Really fancy-schmancy cards! The gift wrapped box with his present rested on the table next to the roses. 

Harley hurried over to their beat-up looking stereo and put on some mood music, April Stevens singing “Teach Me Tiger” drifted from the speakers. She grinned happily swaying to the song when she heard Joker yell from the bottom of the steps. “LUCY!! I'M HOME!” 

Harley squealed. “PUDDIN!!” 

She rushed to the door of their bedroom and flung it open just as Joker made the top of the stairs. “Honey I'm....whoa, Harley!” he exclaimed in a pleased growl. 

She giggled and did a little spin showing off her barely there outfit. “Do you like it?” 

Joker, who was wearing his purple telescope hat and purple trenchcoat, both sprinkled with rain, tossed his hat to the side, neatly catching the hat on the coat rack that stood by their bedroom door. “Gawrr...Harley...You look good enough to eat, my little minx.” He licked his lips to emphasize the point, his eyes lingering on her breasts. Harley giggled happily, posing for him. Joker growled again, but this time deeper in his throat, his eyes traveling down her figure with a clear hungry look in his eyes. Harley smiled merrily and hurried over to grab his hands only noticing the package under his arm when she stepped close. 

“Look what else I have!” She hopped a little as she tugged him into the room. Joker pulled one of his hands free from her. “Okay, okay, pumpkin, hold your horses. Let me get my coat off!” Joker laughed at her enthusiasm. He dropped the paper package from under his arm onto the bed and slipped out of his trenchcoat in the next moment before he tossed it back toward the coat rack. He missed, the coat crumpling to the floor at the base of the rack. He shrugged and turned back to Harley who squealed when she saw he was dressed in a tuxedo. “Oh puddin, you look so handsome!!” She clapped her hands and jumped up and down. 

Joker chuckled putting his arms out to his sides and doing a little spin for her. “Only the best for a date with my girl.” 

Harley purred. “Oh puddin, you are just so...sexy.” 

Joker chuckled with a waggle of his eyebrows. “I know.” 

Harley giggled throwing her arms around his neck. “Come see what I got you for Valentine's!!” 

Joker wrapped his arms around her and easily lifted her off her feet. “There's more than just you in this outfit...because I'm pretty sure that's enough Valentine's for me...though I'm far more interested in getting you out of it...” He caught her bottom lip with his teeth tugging gently, his eyes heavy with lust for her. Harley growled pressing her mouth to his hungrily. Joker groaned with passion, pressing her warm, soft body against him, wishing he could get out of his tuxedo right this moment and indulge in pulling off the thin bits of cloth that Harley was currently wearing. 

Harley growled, her hands sliding into his thick green hair, tugging just a little before she made herself stop. “First,” she breathed heavily, “I want you to see your gift.” 

Joker sighed and set her back on her feet before a smile returned to his lips. “Oh, presents!” 

Harley took his hand and yanked him toward the table where he saw a box wrapped in bright red paper and tied with a black bow. Harley picked the box up and shoved it at him with a grin. “Open it.” 

Joker chuckled and pulled out one of the chairs she had around the table and sat, the box on his lap. He slowly tugged on the bow, purposely being very slow. Harley watched him intently then groaned loudly. “PUDDIN!! Stop it!!” 

He giggled with a mischievous grin and wink at her. “Fine.” 

Then with the enthusiasm of a child, Joker ripped into the paper and ribbon, then tore the top off the box. He reached in and delicately pulled out the two decks of cards. He looked up at Harley with a pleased expression before he opened one deck, then the other. He examined each deck without a word, playing with the cards, fanning the cards, performing a ribbon spread, and finally a sybil cut. Harley watched with fascination. When he was done Joker looked up at her, his smile spreading wide across his face. “These are fantastic Harley!!” 

Harley squealed and clapped her hands. “Yes!!” 

Joker laughed setting them aside. “My turn.” 

He stood up and walked over, picking up the small, thin package he had dropped on the bed and handed it to Harley. She gave him a quizzical look as she took it from him and slid the object out of the bag. She turned it over to see the cover was black and in purple lettering across the front was just “Joker.” 

Harley looked even more confused until she opened it and realized it was a calender, but not just any calender. Slowly, her mouth slightly open and her blue eyes wide, she flipped through each month staring at the picture of the Joker that adorned the top of each month. 

Joker grinned. “I wanted to show you how I felt about you by exploiting myself for you.” 

Harley looked up at him, her eyes wide, her voice a whisper. “Puddin...” 

Joker frowned, looking a little crestfallen. “You don't like it? All that chafing in the thongs was for nothing?” he quietly asked himself. 

Harley looked back down at the calender in her hands, staring slowly at each picture. Joker watched her and frowned deeper. He wasn't sure if he was upset or angry that she didn't seem to like it, when Harley suddenly dropped the calender to the floor and threw herself at him. She wrapped her arms around his neck kissing him hard, crushing his mouth with hers. Joker barely had time to catch her before her tongue was in his mouth. Harley groaned while she reached down and began to untie his necktie. Joker smiled against her mouth, then smiled wider as she dragged herself down his body until she was on her knees. With nimble fingers, she quickly undid the front of his black slacks, nearly ripping them open and yanking them down to his ankles along with his boxers. She then worked without a word to pull off his shoes before forcing him to step out of the black slacks. Joker looked amused as he murmured, “Harley?” 

She smiled gazing up at him, wrapping her hand around his shaft. She held him steady as she slowly circled her tongue around the head of his erection her eyes gazing up at him. Joker groaned softly then chuckled. “I guess you liked it?” 

Harley smiled at him, her mouth around him and winked before she lowered her mouth on him, taking him into her mouth, until he was sure he was touching the back of her throat. Joker's eyelids fluttered, his eyes rolling heavenward at the feel of her warm, wet tongue and lips wrapping around him in a sweet, firm pull of her mouth. She pressed her lips against him and sucked hard, dragging her lips up his length letting him go with a pop of her lips. She giggled sticking her middle finger into her mouth while Joker watched her with an quizzical expression. Harley winked again which caused him to frown, but then her mouth was on his shaft again, her tongue circling in slow delightful twirls; at the same time she was doing delicious things with her tongue, Harley snaked her other hand between his ass cheeks, her fingers rubbing before she plunged her middle finger into him.

Joker gasped in surprise, his gloved hands, which had moved to her hair, stroking the gold locks back from her face suddenly grabbed her hair in fists as Harley sucked and twirled her tongue around him, covering him in her saliva, deep throating before she would drag her teeth gently up his hard length, then repeating the deep throat sucking on his shaft while her middle finger thrust up into him until he thought he was going to collapse from the effort of not cumming. 

“Damn it!! Harley!!!” Joker cried out thrusting his hips toward her eager mouth. She giggled and sucked, stopping only to let her tongue explore the satin texture of his hard erection while her fingers continued a slowly steady thrust. Joker groaned loudly watching her, thrusting his shaft into her mouth while she finger fucked him with firm, but gentle thrusts. 

Joker hissed. “Harley...I...” 

She smiled releasing him and stood up. Joker felt weak in the knees. His shaft was pulsing, almost hurting he was so hard, so close to climax...Harley grabbed him by the front of his tux and walked him backwards. “Harley?” Joker frowned, but then his legs hit the back of the bed and he fell backwards onto the old mattress that made up their bed. 

Growling with an almost animalistic gleam in her eyes Harley pointed. “Get on the bed puddin and you better get that shirt open before I rip it open.” 

Joker lifted a brow with an amused expression. “Yes, Miss Quinn.” 

Harley shoved her panties down and crawled onto him, leaving her top and shoes on. “That's good puddin. You deserve everything you're getting.” 

Joker blinked. “I do?” He was quickly struggling with the buttons of his shirt as he pulled it open almost popping all the buttons just as she crawled on top of him, her mouth at his erection again. 

“Oh, you do,” Harley purred just before she ran the flat of her tongue along the underside of his shaft with a growl. Joker giggled. “Oh fuck.” 

Harley crawled on top of him, positioning herself over him and rubbed the head of his penis against her slick opening while she made little noises, groaning with carnal pleasure. He reached up and grabbed her hips watching her rub against him. She was so wet her fluids were literally dripping down his erection. He was nearly vibrating with the tension of holding off his orgasm while watching her use him to make herself climax. 

Harley rubbed the head of his firm shaft against her clitoris, rubbing harder and faster, her hips thrusting at the same time. Joker reached up and pinched her nipples through the fabric of her top which caused Harley to elicit a high mewling moan of pleasure until she came with a cry. “OH PUDDIN!” 

Her body arched, and her grip on his erection was almost painful. She rubbed him against her clitoris hard with a few more strokes, then just as he thought he couldn't take any more, Harley pierced herself on him, plunging him into her warm, wet depths. 

Joker gasped loudly throwing his head back and squeezing her breasts a little too hard, but he just couldn't control himself. Harley ground down on him with a hiss, her hands dropping to his chest. She dug her nails into his white skin, grinding her hips hard against him, thrusting and rocking with animalistic grunts. Joker's eyes rolled to the back of his head. He struggled to thrust up into her because she was being so demanding, forcing him to submit until he finally gave up and let her have her way. Harley dropped forward. She wrapped her arms around his head, crushing her mouth against his while her hips pistoned up and down in the most sensually exciting way, the sounds of their bodies connecting filled the room with the most graphic and lewd wet noises, their fucking drowned out the music, combined with the sounds of both of them panting and hissing until Harley, her entire body arched, she slammed down on him and he looked up watching her face as she climaxed with a long, drawn out groan. 

“Uuhh...puddin!” 

Joker just couldn't hold back, the combination of her expression, calling his name, the spasm of her muscles wrapped around him, hot and wet, the delicious fragrant smell of sex mixed with the delightful scent of vanilla that was on Harley's skin... 

Joker threw his head back and came with a hiss. “Uh, yes!!” 

Harley groaned again feeling him spasm and release into her. She clenched her muscles, grinding on him until Joker was gasping, digging his fingers into her skin, his arms wrapped tight around her, but she didn't stop. She kept up her grinding, thrusting, sliding up and down his length, pressing her clitoris against him rubbing until she came again with a feral hiss of release. 

She collapsed on top of him, sweating and struggling to normalize her breath. 

Joker let out a long, low groan of exhaustion. “Fuck Harley, what was that?” 

She giggled and sucked on the lobe of his ear. “Did you like it?” 

“Ah...yeah!” Joker giggled. “Is this because you liked the calender?” 

Harley giggled, then whispered, her breath hot against his ear, her words seductive. “You still have those thongs?” 

Joker giggled.


End file.
